I read recently something that resonated deeply. There is an actual word for this sticky feeling of suspension and not knowing what comes next that has permeated March 2020-2021. Liminality. I’ve felt this before when I have left a job, prepared to have a baby, moved, graduated. This in-between time is called liminal space. And my instincts at first did not serve me well to deal with this time that perhaps in a more traditional culture I would have celebrated for the power of transformation and reflection. I felt lost, unsure.

When our community shut down a year ago this week, it felt like a snow day in San Diego. Yet as the days and weeks moved on, it was unclear where this was headed. I was leading my small business through undoubtedly the most challenging time of my career while 6 months pregnant, parenting my 3 year old, and without other childcare. The playgrounds were closed, but we were safe and healthy and we made it work thanks to understanding colleagues and the privilege of flexibility we are fortunate to have. We are the stronger for it.

When my role at the company I cofounded 7 years ago changed, it was undoubtedly the right thing to do to step down to let the company grow in its ability to achieve its mission. I was shocked though on the other side of that decision, right as it was, to see how deeply sad my feelings were. The personal loss was huge, and only now do I have the perspective to explain to myself that it was like I went through a divorce (however friendly) a month before having my second child. I struggled that no one seemed to get it.

The maternity leave phase, though, was a perfect place to embrace my new understanding of liminality. A professional lady vision quest year, I called it. I will do all the things to reflect that our culture might not otherwise encourage me to do if it were not for COVID-19 stay-at-home orders. I will write again. I will think deeply about my values and my personal theory of change while I bake sourdough bread and garden. That last one was a surprise to me, too. I will take a design thinking approach to my life and prototype a few options to try on for size. I will begin to envision myself in 20 years if I continue on one path vs another and reflect heavily, asking “do I like who I see?”

Bread is a great metaphor for liminality. You have to wait for the rise before you bake and eat. There’s nothing to do during that time, necessarily. You just wait. But you can breathe, reflect, replenish creativity, and sharpen your focus and mission for when the time is right.